Empty Nest Does Not Mean Naked Nest!

The Book

Vivid and hilarious stories about being an empty nester—where nudity in the kitchen is not a thing. Follow Venice as she and her husband travel to far-flung lands; help their adult daughter, Bootie Pepper, make smart choices; encourage their outdoor dog, Zane, to kill fewer varmints; and learn how to make ass-flaming hot sauce. 


Laugh out loud at Venice’s jury duty service, including a fainting juror and a taser flying through the courtroom. 


Cover your mouth when Venice describes Zane eating a squirrel and later trying to drown a critter in the lake, inspiring her song: “I like swimmin’ in the lake and chasin’ them loon. Once in a while try to drown a ‘coon.”


Experience chills down your spine when Venice and her husband travel to Belize, where he kills a scorpion in front of a very naked Venice.


Learn valuable drinking tips as Venice debuts naughty drink markers.


Delight in Venice’s view of world leaders—including her crush on Justin Trudeau—before he wore red slippers in India.


Experience the surreal as Venice describes being in Hawaii during the fake North Korean missile scare, and how she and Bill reacted. “Finally, Hawaii’s obsession with SPAM made sense to me. SPAM=Small Problem at Molokai.”


Enjoy Venice’s parallel of the Winter Olympics and Fifty Shades Freed.  “As with the couple in Fifty Shades, relationships behind the scenes at the Olympics are NOT what they appear in public. Whip? Missile?” 


Become part of Venice’s family as she introduces you to Bootie Pepper’s boyfriend, known as The Pitcher, who is responsible for at least one gigabyte of texting by Bootie. 


A story for every occasion, you will race through this collection of essays that are sure to make you laugh, sometimes cry, and totally relate to in your everyday life.